Sunday, June 8, 2014

Those Ignored Voices...

Edgar Allen Poe once said Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.”

Silence is frightening! Technically it’s not the silence that scares us, but that impending voice, a whisper which we subconsciously ignore every night. 

It was pitch dark outside, not even a single lamp post was working. Relaxing in a shabby balcony on 5th floor, he enjoyed the whole thrill of being alone in an unfinished Multi-storey building, which neighbors claims to be a place of occult.

It was surprisingly cold that night but his hands were moist. Its 1 AM. Cold breeze mix with thick mist decked upon almost all the nearby visible things. He was experiencing enhanced senses; all of his six senses were highly alert. His veins are full of adrenaline. Resting against a wall in the balcony he was fidgeting up with his phone and keeps on looking at that black, almost empty void.

Bizarrely, flies were swarming around him constantly and the buzzing sound are now getting on his nerves.

 ‘I was here before’ he mumbled. He was into multiple Deja Vu. 

Voice: You've done it Kid!’

‘What was that...not again please. Stop toying with me. Get out! Get out of my head..’ with shivering hands he took out a pill and swallows it without water.

He was terrified, not because he was alone; his solitude hardly matters to him but the fact that he knew he’s not alone. He was feeling weird stiffness around him as if someone is standing just next to him close, very close. It was a full moon night; heavily gasping he took out a neatly made roll, lights up and...Puff! Couple of deep drags. Peace. His heart beat calms down. Gasping and shivering have almost gone.  To enjoy the fullest he put on the music on his phone - Enigma’s Mea Culpa...

3rd drag...



....A foul smell fuses with wet concrete and charred lumber rupture his trance. His heart wasn't pumping enough blood to his brain, he was stoned, and smoke makes him unafraid. He flipped his phone and put on the mini torch and enters this large hall, he was constantly looking at the stairs far in the corner leading to nowhere.

As he kept on walking inside, the smell becomes more gruesome. He saw a partially open tattered wooden door, as he was about to open the door, his torch died and he heard a nerve-jangling scream of a woman. Chills down his spine, he was gasping heavily. He stick to a nearby wall and closed his ears. He can’t see nothing but the shadows.

Music continues - Enigma’s Mea Culpa

He was crying like a child, a helpless child stuck in a maze, he patted his phone repeatedly; the mini torch lights up again and brighten up his shirt, only to find it drenched in blood. He was breathless. He noticed his moist hands; his hands were shivering, he put his hand in front of torch, fear prevails instantly. His hands were covered with fresh blood and flesh. Flies were feeding from his blood covered fingers; he was stand still, numb. Zero.  Laughing.

He heard the voice again...singing...

“When the lights go out, you’ll have doubt...
You feel something behind, but you can’t find...
You can feel it, you can hear it, and it’s breath against your ear...
But when you turn around, there’s nothing there”

He: Was it terrible?
Voice: No, it was awful. You didn't even properly slit her throat!
He: She was my girl, I...I couldn't be more brutal with her...
Voice: She’s bitch! Listen to me boy; she’s one big time whore. Say it!
He: Yes. She’s a bitch
Voice: Scream it!
He: She’s whore. She’s Bitch. I hate her. She’ll rot in hell........
(Keeps on stabbing her body underneath him)

Voice: Laughing. Attaboy. I’ll be back!

With soaked hands in fresh blood, he sat on his girl’s body staring the very empty stares leading to nowhere....

Music Continues Enigma’s Mea Culpa...

.....Voices are creepy and do exist around and inside us, all the time. They are more like dogs, they come when they are called.

PS: True story served with fabrication!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

A Rendezvous...

Nov 8th, 2006

10:30 PM

Garstin Bastion Road (GB Road)

She was in her late 20's, sitting on a staircase leading to her veranda. Her shapeless body didn’t go too well with what she wore; her belly was peeking out from her black Ed-Hardy deep neck, sleeveless t-shirt. With hollow cheeks and kohl clad empty eyes, she tried too hard to cover her chapped lips with a magenta lipstick outlined in a much darker shade. She was strikingly fair above her neck – Thanks to some cheap foundation she put upon her face. Comical, yet Tragic!

And she said with a big smile on her face, “Mardo ko sirf mutth jhadni hoti hai, ham aaaaah..... uuuuunh... karke kaam jaldi nipta dete hain…”

This nonchalant, bold statement instantly caught hold of my confidence. I was sitting right in front of her on an old couch, unusually nervous. She, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying the whole situation and her dominant status in the conversation; I can feel the blatant dominance in her voice.

Background Music: Pardesi, Pardesi...jana nahi...’ from Raja Hindustani.

“Kuch piyega?” she questioned in a kinky tone. I had heard stories about how they injected you with AIDS infected syringes, castration and so on. “Pepsi,” I mumbled. She brought me a fancy glass with the drink, at which I stared.

 Sensing my disapproval to drink in that glass and to ease the situation, she clarified enthusiastically, Ye glass sirf customer ke liye hote hai!” I retorted, “Main aapka customer nahi hun.” She smiled and quipped, “Nahi hai to ban jaa na.” I smiled back and ignored the whole thing.

The ambience was dark, filthy and chilling enough to terrify even a tattoo clad Casanova. Nearby on the floor, two kids was playing Ludo, ignoring what is happening on those 6x6 wooden cubes just above them. This very scene made it all too clear; sex is not a taboo for them but a profession, inherited at that! 

As I was sipping some of my drink, a balding man steps down from one of the cubes and I got a chance to sneak into the room. On the floor was sprawled a lousy bed sheet. The room had a perpetual stink of used condoms and bidis. It has a dustbin, some water in plastic pouches, a charred window, newspapers used as tissue papers and a small radio – probably to block the voices.

Suddenly she interrupted, “Aap likhte ho?” I nodded, to which she said in a very pitiful voice, “Hamara roz rape hota hai, hamari marzi karna aacha nahi lagta, roti kamani hai na to sab karna hota hai.”

When we come back to the seating area, the bald guy gives 200 bucks to her, places a kiss on her cheeks, looks at me in disgust and leaves. “Ye hamara regular customer hai...iska jaldi ho jata hai,” mocking the way he cums!

Cut the foreplay, it’s all about basics here. Sex means: Pull Up. Pull Down. Open Up. Pop In. Few Minutes and Game Over!

We talked about many things, weird things for the next 20 minutes. She told me about men’s fetishes,- bone chilling, disgusting fetishes!  She introduced me to her sister ‘Aleena’. She’s not more than 20. “Hindi mein likhoge ya English mein?” she asked me. I smiled and replied, “English mein...aapke liye hindi mein translate kar dunga.” She innocently smiled back.

As I was about to leave, I asked her name politely. She replied “Kya sir, randiyoon ka naam nahi hota” and thus annexes my neurons.

I asked her name to one of the pimps standing downstairs the brothel. “Adeena”, he replied. A beautiful name indeed! I couldn’t resist the urge to research the meaning of the name.....

 ‘Pious’, it was!

From tit-bits of one of my early days interview spree... 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Metro Mayhem!

Standing in the middle of the door with horde behind, Intense looks combined with narrowed eyes, I feel like King Leonidas. Standing Fearless, standing still

And then..

‘Spartans, prepare for glory!’ I scream in my head just a few second before I am going to get off on Rajiv Chowk station! :|

As much as I hate travelling in metro, I love looking at people, laugh and then kill them in my head multiple times, precisely with Head Shots!

Metro is all about Mob and Mobile and here’s kind of people you probably met or you’ll going to meet,  and yes don’t forget to keep your cell phones back in your pockets because, “Life is what happens when you are busy playing candy-crush”

 1. Smart Ass: Can’t tell you how much smart their asses actually are, but one thing I can vouch for their pretentious skills. Blank faces. Calm as Cows reading ET, Coelho and yes our EL James, with that ‘Oh-I-am-convent educated-and-better-than-anyone-in-this-bogey’ looks. They flip 10 pages while talking on phone and that too WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING at it! Incredible!

 2. Corporate Cows: Well dressed. Neatly ironed LP shirt paired with fitted trousers or skirts, they smell good, sophistication pouring from their faces. They always fidget with their laptops and yes they make faces, disgusting faces, they’ve got amazing variety of expressions. If you are lucky enough you’ll get to see a woman doing this stuff. Visual delight!

3. नमूने: Models’ as we proudly call it in English, Ironically they behave in the same manner. Certainly the most abundant and entertaining species, clad in super jazzy outfits carried away with a cool-walk throughout the metro from one end to another. Sporting head-gears bigger than their heads, checking out their newly discovered cheek dimple, hard earned jaw line, biceps, comparing height with others, cleavage meter, duck faces and the list goes on. Fun to watch! 

4. Love Birds: What could be more eye feasting than watching two love struck people teasing each other, guy’s over protective stance in a bogey full of skirt chasers, girl’s rare and extra lovable gesture, and telling people that he’s no more in the friend zone.  Aawwwwwww....hooowwwww Keewwwttt.... :| 

5. Hyperly active coll gangs: At one moment they make you feel all nostalgic and the next moment you feel like crushing their faces with bare hands. They are annoying and loud, their idiotic one-liners are directly proportional to how much people are smiling at it. Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate, that’s what they do, trying way too hard. :|

6. Skunks:  They just stink. Some smell like a soggy stray dog. You’ll love to watch a women expression when trap between those skunks and that too early morning. The blend of their sweat mix with oil clad hair combined with unwashed clothes supported by depressing and rude continues announcements will certainly charge your morning up! Better than caffeine :P

7. Sadist: Mightiest of all, slapdash! They love breaking ‘Emergency Button’ hymn, every time they see a virgin Emergency Button. Put their middle finger in the hole above the sliding gate fantasizing their deep dark secrets, Fickle with collected dead bodies of wasps inside the tube light panes. Torn away the black rubber in between sliding gates and guiding map on the side mirrors while digging their nose......they remind me of Cape Fear’s Max Cady

........और ऐसे ही कुछ चूतिये लोगो की वजह से; guys like me are now depriving to see some pretty faces around us in the same bogey. :|

Moral of this piece:  ‘Too much people on this planet, we desperately need a new plague’ 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Pakka Indian hai!

Talking about India, ‘Unity in diversity’ is probably the most lovable and adaptable phrase when it comes to define it in the shortest way possible. With more than a billion natives residing in 29 states and 7 Union Territories, the unity is indeed a massive task to maintain. Ask me a week back, I would have given the credits to our Hindi Gaalis (Abusive Language) to maintain the same but lately I get to know about one more thing, a thing which depicts who we are, a thing which hold us together from ages, a thing which we are famous for in the West, a thing which we follow blindfolded…

‘Our Irrational Behaviour’

Talking about us, we Indians, undoubtedly are the most ‘intelligently-skilled labors' in the world, surveys have said so. For me an Indian is the one who is born to do outsourced jobs. Unfortunately we are famous for our not-so-cool-famous behaviour. Some enjoy it, while some curse it, some nag about it and some of them write about it.

Indians love:

1. Cursing their own government: People love doing this. Your stray bitch gives birth to 6 puppies, blame government. Your flame dumped you, blame government. Your spouse gave birth to a baby girl, blame government. You are unable to go to Europe on a 10 day vacation, blame government. It’s an easy way out to get over with your short term misery and make your inner self feel all relax. Cursing your government is a good thing; ‘Constantly Cursing’ your government is a psychotic thing.

 2. Bragging their mortified real life, virtually: This one is classic, people putting up status, mourning the death of their beloved ones and Alas! Their friends liked the status!  People treat social networking sites more of their spouse, they whine on it, nag on it, share moronic views, and upload ugly pictures. To get what? Likes and Comments? I know guys who can get you 500 likes in just 0.50$

3. Enrolling kids into IIT/IIM: We subconsciously believe IIT/IIM is the ultimate redemption, ‘Mera beta 9th se FITZEE join karega fir 12th mein 98 aggregate lane ke baad  IIT crack karega,  uske baad CAT mein 99.9 percentile lake IIM A se 40lac/annum ki placement leke kisi IAS ki ek lauti Doctor ladki se byaah karega aur US settle ho jaega’

4. Staring: No matter what age, no matter how you look our eyes don’t discriminate women. Be it in public transport, in  restaurants, on the road, inside the car or auto, we love staring! I call it ‘The Great Indian Stare’ In a country like India, which lacks in creativity, which is quintessential for advertising to grab eye and balls, a woman is the best vertical to promote the product, because stares tend to triple if you’re both blond and attractive.

5.  Sex crazy Godmen: Follow a god is overrated; following god’s own mediators imported directly from heavens is IN nowadays. Ironically, they prey on their disciples, especially kids. Still, people love them! Why? Because they use their D**k to bestow their followers with beneficence.

6. Splurging millions on wedding: So that our zillions of in laws and millions of neighbors came with a bouquet and eat some of the best cuisines, chat-pakodi, golgappe with butterscotch ice-cream and shook their legs for some moments just to embarrass the couple and themselves.

7. Eat Drink and Breath Cricket: Period! If anyone says they watch cricket for nail-biting moments and thrills, run away from there, they are lying. In-fact they don’t really know why they watch it. FYI there are sports, more thrilling, more real and that too in a much lesser period than cricket. Bellator to be precise!

 8. ‘Tu janta nahi mein kaun hun..:
I always wonder whether, that is an eagerly asked question to get a funny reply or mere a test of someone’s general knowledge. Certainly the most quoted desi-one-liner of India, amusing us with the amount of humour it carries with itself.

9. Groin: When get bored; people do groin inspection, in full view of public, checking if it’s still there. Some are sophisticated they use pockets to make necessary adjustments. Please do try this only at home.

On the contrary, I don’t understand why girls put up their ugly-looking display picture on Facebook, especially when their boobies are peeking out from body hugging Tees. Just a random thought! 

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Selfishly Selfless?

Get this straight in your head - Being selfish is generous, in-fact it's much appealing than being a kind soul. It’s addictive and truly acceptable. Once you taste it, there’s no coming back. Though my vocab is as good as my listening skills, I pity some of the English words for not being understood as they should be; Selfish is one of them which people often mistaken for stinginess and that’s take them way beyond the realm of foolhardiness.

Lack of knowledge is the mother of misconceptions, and this word is the mere victim of the same. Selfish, what everyone in the world is, it’s the universal truth. Being selfish is a human nature, telling someone to not to be selfish is like telling someone to stop being human. 

Not only we humans, the so called almighty is also seems selfish to me, she/he didn’t create the world primarily for our benefit, she/he did it for her/his glory and how she/he wants us all to worship her/him, and anyone who does otherwise is sent into a fiery pit. Its not me who’s saying this but our sacred Vedas and Puranas. By the way did you just noticed I put the she and her before he and him? If you know what I mean.

I think selfless is just a word, a superfluous word unlike selfish, which is real, unlike selfless, which is more of an illusion. Bragging about your selflessness is like bragging about your virtual life.

“Chiefly concerned with one’s own interest with the total exclusion of the interest of others” That’s how the free dictionary defines Selfishness and yeah we have done it so many times or doing so in our daily life. You don’t believe me, do you?. I have mentioned few points among countless examples below to highlight the tit-bit of our so called selflessness.

1.    Despite knowing the fact our parents will never let you do such things, we get laid in our early teens to make our inner-self feel good about our sexuality; and as soon as we get the big O, we don’t even give a flying fuck about the hard written rules, emotional promises and blind trust of our parents. 

2.    We rock carelessly and roll bluntly to feel-good without even care of our fist size heart, two bean shaped kidneys and a sting ray shaped liver.

3.    In our early childhood we used to enjoy and easily got distracted with the company of that toddler who’s got the biggest arsenal of GI Joes, without even thinking of your friend next seat, who always turn up early in school to reserve your seat in advance.

4.    We dumped our partners relentlessly for others without even caring about their feelings.

5.    We switch companies for our own benefit and companies too recruit better employees for their own.

6.    Even, we make friends according to our convenience. You’ll never befriend a strange person until or unless you get something out of it, it could be anything, your emotional support, your physical support, excuse to feel good, your crime partner, a reason to smile, a reason to get rid of tension, your stress buster. Etc etc..

Most of you be like “this is not being called selfish ok, get a life. It’s the way we choose to live our lives, in simple words our convenience” Convenience right?

All the above mentioned points have one thing in common, you know what it is? You know what makes us selfish is, the urge to feel-good. You may be the most generous person on this planet, but if you even WANT the feel-good feeling by giving, you are selfish.

Selfishness and feel-good factor walk hand in hand, but when it comes to sacrifice self-sacrifice to be precise, selfishness takes its last breath. Yes, I believe it’s only when you tend to self-sacrifice for anything you are entitled to be a selfless being. 

The day you obliterate the feel-good factor and infuse neutrality, you are entitled to be a true. altruistic or rather a sage. The ability to perceive outer world and your conscience are the only thing which separates a selfish brat from a self proclaimed selfless soul. 

I think the problem lies within us, we are the victims of the rules we live by

Monday, October 29, 2012

Just Chair!

"I feel like crushing your Butt. Allow me to sit on your face, then you'll know how disgraceful and annoying it is", probably this is what your chair is thinking every-time you rub your a** on its bare face. Do you ever realize how much this thing curses you every day? Turn back and look at its innocent face, pleading you to sit somewhere else and asking you to reduce some weight. Just think of this horrible scene, a BIG ugly a** jumps on your face without prior notice BAM Splat! The life of a chair is only to serve to different a**es every other day, provide you comfort and some FUN (if you know what i mean). I think it surely envies your pillow and cries the whole night but also wipes its tears thinking of toilet seat next door. 

I know some of you do have this sympathetic feeling for your beloved chair, but believe you me; the chair we are talking about is one of the most desirable things among human beings throughout the history. Where emperors called it "Gaddhi", our servant aka politicians call it "Kursi" and poor students call it "Seat" and it’s kind of funny to see that everyone is fighting for a mere chair, kings for "Gaddhi" in fierce battles, politicians for "Kursi" in dirty elections and students for a "seat" in a cut throat competitions. What do you think, is all this worth fighting for a chair - seriously? The thing is that a chair is not just a piece of timber made to serve your a**, it comes with an immense power and as they say with great power comes great responsibility. A thing that goes unnoticed everyday everywhere is actually synonymous with power, funny isn’t it! 


The size and stuff of your chair is directly proportional to the power you possess. Heavyweights get one tall, Italian leather engulfed multipurpose adjustable chair, puppets get multicolored five legged moving chair and an unpleasant immovable plastic thing goes to the servants. Chair is an integral part of making people elite, be it in your home, work place, parliament, VVIP lounge, Churches, Multiplex even your car’s front seat is always taken by some influential one, True?. A chair has this special skill of turning ordinary into extraordinary and the effect is instant, faster than speed of light; I call it

‘Chair effect’. 

When it comes to power of its own, chair is somewhat similar to a woman. Have you ever seen or heard the ability of a revengeful woman, (Watch I spit on your grave) you'll get to know, the power of chair is worse than this horror. Like a woman, It has the capability of turning a man into beast and a beast into a well behaved man, like a woman it has the capability to become a reason for brother bloodshed, like a woman it has the capability to initiate verbal/non verbal/cold /nuclear wars but also, like a woman it can make a man content and shape him to achieve what he desires for. With the introduction of lunatic design chairs, chairs became similar to a stunning trophy girl, it can now delight your living room and like a female boss it can eat up your whole a** at the same time

(Say bean bags, an obese version of chair) 


But as they say not everyone is born with silver spoon, same applies to a chair too. Let me explain you with an example, There’s a chair in White House presidents office waiting for world's most powerful a** and here's your chair crushing beneath your ‘

good-for-nothing’ a**, cursing you each and every passing moment and waiting for another fat a**, big a**, rich a**, bitch a**, ugly a**, tiny a**, flat a**, porn a** and so on to serve next...See that's called destiny ;)

You are not powerful, but it's your chair that is. You are nothing but a commoner without your chair, so respect your chair and reduce your weight! Now. What are you waiting for? Requisition letter? Get up you lousy shameless creature and let your chair breathe.


I really wish to see “chair” as one of the synonyms of “power” at-least in Microsoft Word ;)


a** = ass :P