A Rendezvous...

Nov 8th, 2006

10:30 PM

Garstin Bastion Road (GB Road)

She was in her late 20's, sitting on a staircase leading to her veranda. Her shapeless body didn’t go too well with what she wore; her belly was peeking out from her black Ed-Hardy deep neck, sleeveless t-shirt. With hollow cheeks and kohl clad empty eyes, she tried too hard to cover her chapped lips with a magenta lipstick outlined in a much darker shade. She was strikingly fair above her neck – Thanks to some cheap foundation she put upon her face. Comical, yet Tragic!

And she said with a big smile on her face, “Mardo ko sirf mutth jhadni hoti hai, ham aaaaah..... uuuuunh... karke kaam jaldi nipta dete hain…”

This nonchalant, bold statement instantly caught hold of my confidence. I was sitting right in front of her on an old couch, unusually nervous. She, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying the whole situation and her dominant status in the conversation; I can feel the blatant dominance in her voice.

Background Music: ‘Pardesi, Pardesi...jana nahi...’ from Raja Hindustani.

“Kuch piyega?” she questioned in a kinky tone. I had heard stories about how they injected you with AIDS infected syringes, castration and so on. “Pepsi,” I mumbled. She brought me a fancy glass with the drink, at which I stared.

 Sensing my disapproval to drink in that glass and to ease the situation, she clarified enthusiastically, “Ye glass sirf customer ke liye hote hai!” I retorted, “Main aapka customer nahi hun.” She smiled and quipped, “Nahi hai to ban jaa na.” I smiled back and ignored the whole thing.

The ambience was dark, filthy and chilling enough to terrify even a tattoo clad Casanova. Nearby on the floor, two kids was playing Ludo, ignoring what is happening on those 6x6 wooden cubes just above them. This very scene made it all too clear; sex is not a taboo for them but a profession, inherited at that! 

As I was sipping some of my drink, a balding man steps down from one of the cubes and I got a chance to sneak into the room. On the floor was sprawled a lousy bed sheet. The room had a perpetual stink of used condoms and bidis. It has a dustbin, some water in plastic pouches, a charred window, newspapers used as tissue papers and a small radio – probably to block the voices.

Suddenly she interrupted, “Aap likhte ho?” I nodded, to which she said in a very pitiful voice, “Hamara roz rape hota hai, hamari marzi se....sex karna aacha nahi lagta, roti kamani hai na to sab karna hota hai.”

When we come back to the seating area, the bald guy gives 200 bucks to her, places a kiss on her cheeks, looks at me in disgust and leaves. “Ye hamara regular customer hai...iska jaldi ho jata hai,” mocking the way he cums!

Cut the foreplay, it’s all about basics here. Sex means: Pull Up. Pull Down. Open Up. Pop In. Few Minutes and Game Over!

We talked about many things, weird things for the next 20 minutes. She told me about men’s fetishes,- bone chilling, disgusting fetishes!  She introduced me to her sister ‘Aleena’. She’s not more than 20. “Hindi mein likhoge ya English mein?” she asked me. I smiled and replied, “English mein...aapke liye hindi mein translate kar dunga.” She innocently smiled back.

As I was about to leave, I asked her name politely. She replied “Kya sir, randiyoon ka naam nahi hota” and thus annexes my neurons.

I asked her name to one of the pimps standing downstairs the brothel. “Adeena”, he replied. A beautiful name indeed! I couldn’t resist the urge to research the meaning of the name.....

 ‘Pious’, it was!

From tit-bits of one of my early days interview spree... 

(: 

Pakka Indian hai!

Talking about India, ‘Unity in diversity’ is probably the most lovable and adaptable phrase when it comes to define it in the shortest way possible. With more than a billion natives residing in 29 states and 7 Union Territories, the unity is indeed a massive task to maintain. Ask me a week back, I would have given the credits to our Hindi Gaalis (Abusive Language) to maintain the same but lately I get to know about one more thing, a thing which depicts who we are, a thing which hold us together from ages, a thing which we are famous for in the West, a thing which we follow blindfolded…

‘Our Irrational Behaviour’

Talking about us, we Indians, undoubtedly are the most ‘intelligently-skilled labors' in the world, surveys have said so. For me an Indian is the one who is born to do outsourced jobs. Unfortunately we are famous for our not-so-cool-famous behaviour. Some enjoy it, while some curse it, some nag about it and some of them write about it.

Indians love:

1. Cursing their own government: People love doing this. Your stray bitch gives birth to 6 puppies, blame government. Your flame dumped you, blame government. Your spouse gave birth to a baby girl, blame government. You are unable to go to Europe on a 10 day vacation, blame government. It’s an easy way out to get over with your short term misery and make your inner self feel all relax. Cursing your government is a good thing; ‘Constantly Cursing’ your government is a psychotic thing.

 2. Bragging their mortified real life, virtually: This one is classic, people putting up status, mourning the death of their beloved ones and Alas! Their friends liked the status!  People treat social networking sites more of their spouse, they whine on it, nag on it, share moronic views, and upload ugly pictures. To get what? Likes and Comments? I know guys who can get you 500 likes in just 0.50$

3. Enrolling kids into IIT/IIM: We subconsciously believe IIT/IIM is the ultimate redemption, ‘Mera beta 9th se FITZEE join karega fir 12th mein 98 aggregate lane ke baad  IIT crack karega,  uske baad CAT mein 99.9 percentile lake IIM A se 40lac/annum ki placement leke kisi IAS ki ek lauti Doctor ladki se byaah karega aur US settle ho jaega’

4. Staring: No matter what age, no matter how you look our eyes don’t discriminate women. Be it in public transport, in  restaurants, on the road, inside the car or auto, we love staring! I call it ‘The Great Indian Stare’ In a country like India, which lacks in creativity, which is quintessential for advertising to grab eye and balls, a woman is the best vertical to promote the product, because stares tend to triple if you’re both blond and attractive.

5.  Sex crazy Godmen: Follow a god is overrated; following god’s own mediators imported directly from heavens is IN nowadays. Ironically, they prey on their disciples, especially kids. Still, people love them! Why? Because they use their D**k to bestow their followers with beneficence.

6. Splurging millions on wedding: So that our zillions of in laws and millions of neighbors came with a bouquet and eat some of the best cuisines, chat-pakodi, golgappe with butterscotch ice-cream and shook their legs for some moments just to embarrass the couple and themselves.

7. Eat Drink and Breath Cricket: Period! If anyone says they watch cricket for nail-biting moments and thrills, run away from there, they are lying. In-fact they don’t really know why they watch it. FYI there are sports, more thrilling, more real and that too in a much lesser period than cricket. Bellator to be precise!

 8. ‘Tu janta nahi mein kaun hun..: I always wonder whether, that is an eagerly asked question to get a funny reply or mere a test of someone’s general knowledge. Certainly the most quoted desi-one-liner of India, amusing us with the amount of humour it carries with itself.

9. Groin: When get bored; people do groin inspection, in full view of public, checking if it’s still there. Some are sophisticated they use pockets to make necessary adjustments. Please do try this only at home.

On the contrary, I don’t understand why girls put up their ugly-looking display picture on Facebook, especially when their boobies are peeking out from body hugging Tees. Just a random thought! 

Hence Proved (Part 2)...:|

A piece of advice: Before going through this convo kindly click on the link  http://kayblogwala.blogspot.in/2012/03/hence-proved.html or else you’ll feel like watching Matrix Triology without Audio :D

Girl: Hey Honey! (in a very heart melting tone)

Boy:Yes my love, tell me.

Girl: whatcha doing?

Boy: nothing, just cleared another level of the new game I got.

Girl: aah of course.

Boy: so you done for the day?

Girl: naah, not yet got an hour more and then got some free time. For now got a while so thought of
speaking with you.

So, what did you do the entire day?

Boy: day started in the noon, and then did some of the usual stuff went out to get the new awesome
game CD and well spent the next hours playing it, more like killing it( happiness personified with the last
statement)

Girl: that’s a very “you” day. Didn’t you go out somewhere?

Boy: thought of, but then landed up doing what I told you.

Girl: I see!!

Boy: well also I wrote a new piece today.

Girl: you did? Good. Whats it about?

Boy: a telephonic conversation. A little about us, and a little made up (giggle)

Girl: telephonic aaye? Which one? And made up? Definitely. To make it appealing, you’d do that.

Boy: want me to read it out?

Girl:yes sure, go on!!(eagerness in her tone)

Boy: (spends next 15mins reading it out to her)

Girl: no shit, so you think I am a nagging girlfriend? Is it now?

Boy: (silent) no baby, I don’t. ok you know what I am going to delete it. (clicking sound)

Girl: no no no no, I was just pulling your leg. Its fine. Don’t delete it.

Boy: too late now. I already did so.

Girl: oh I know you, you just saying so. You wouldn’t delete your writing. Anyway if you did. Just recover

it back. Now.

Boy: no no I am serious I did delete it. Its gone now. Shift+Del.

Girl: crap. U are nuts. You know I was just kidding.

Boy: I didn’t want to make any point out of that writing, it was just for a gag. Nothing more. I didn’t
mean to offend or upset you Honey.

Girl: of course I know that baby. Is there no way you can recover it back? (really feeling sorry)

Boy: aah, well I think I didn’t blow it completely. I just got it again.

Girl: see, moron. I knew you wouldn’t. just some extra drama, and you write about me being dramatic.
Hmph!!

Boy: oh no, I did delete it. But I checked the recycle bin and apparently I didn’t press Shift+Del, it was
just with the mouse, I deleted. I usually shift delete everything. But since I am talking so got mobile in
one hand and mouse in another. So just the basic delete process I did.

Girl:yeah fine. You know what?

Boy:what?

Girl: I am going to reply to your writing with another writing by me.

Boy: are you? Like a continual conversation?

Girl: correct.

Boy: and what are you going to write about? On how pathetic and sloppy of a boyfriend I am? Right?

Girl: true that, but no I will write about this conversation. The one we are having now. This very
conversation. ( a big teeth showing smile)

Boy: oh no, you wont!

Girl: why not?

Boy: err. Well ok go ahead write it up.

Girl: muaah. And then you can post it in your blog.com. (seemingly happy)

Boy: yes sure, I will. And then I will write a reply to that one, and then you write a reply to that one and
then we shall be the ones who create this awesome internet-telephonic –chat-massacre !! (sounds like a
three year old kid)

Girl: Geez! Ok if you say so.

Now you see, how the nature of a guy can change over just a matter of a single conversation.

Doesn’t matter how strong, how much of a stud, how buffy the guy may be. There is always this one
side of him which we woman always, ALWAYS get it out of them. But sometime the guys forget that its
only cuz of that one woman in their life they let loose of themselves and their feelings. Which definitely
doesn’t make them gay or a puss, but instead makes them loved and cared more.

I believe its ok for a man to let loose of his feelings. And a lot of you women out there will agree on that.
And so will you misters.

PS: this conversation is not at all made up, its how loveable he is!!


The Writer is a Photographer !

 

By: Aarti Pekette 

Probable answers of unanswerable questions !

Women can't help being Inquisitive, they are born with this annoying trait, at-least most of the men think so. But you can't deny the fact; it is a man who evokes a certain degree of curiosity among women.  However unanswerable their questions may be, interestingly you can find a similarity in the kind of questions women usually ask men. I always wonder how can it be possible? Imagine a huge server of women brain, attached with each other, exchanging similar data with the speed of light in Terabytes each second, sounds like Skynet. Read the article further to know the repetitive questions and their probable ANSWERS..!!

Question 1: Why are you always think about "Sex" not emotions?

Probable Answer: Well that's a tricky one, but a time to confess some things, and I know most of the guys reading this would agree with me. Like women are blessed with motherhood, we men are cursed read BLESSED with an unusual drive towards sex. We just can’t help it, it’s by default, and I think we are more lenient to our testosterone level. Talking about emotions thing, Yes, we do have plenty of emotions, we feel hungry you see....

Question 2: Why are you not expressive enough to speak your heart out?

Probable Answer: Before I speak my heart out, I too have a question,” Why is it so essential for women?” means it is our mistake that we are born in a male clan without having excessive emotions, just because your hormones gets you weepy all the time you except us to behave in the same way. Ok, the thing is we take time, situation and place to share and to talk what is occupying our mind. One more thing stop comparing a MAN with your heaps of Metrosexual male species, it leads to severe trauma....See, who says we are not expressive....

Question 3: Why you keep getting angry/abuse in traffic?

Probable Answer: This question doesn’t need any explanation, not because it’s evident, but i don’t want to write an Epic..!. Bikers left side overtake, turtle speed on highways, unwanted honking, topsy-turvy auto rickshaw, raging trucks and a vehicle with a women driver, what else one could want to experience one bad road day. Just look through a broader vision, how many idiotic reckless people are driving freely on the roads, even the super chilling AC in your car won’t help you  cool your temper. We know the abuse is limited to us only, but what to do, it’s the only way to vent your frustration out. We don’t want our beloved ones to suffer our wrath. Got it, you better do. Move to the next...

 Question 4: What do you tell your friends about me?

Probable Answer: Nothing is the word. This is the new girlfriend type question which I don’t know how to tackle, if you tell everything about your woman which include some pre defined adjective like beautiful, one of a kind, humble, down to earth, kind, lovely, sweet, smart, intelligent, caring, adorable, stunning, head turner, gorgeous mmmm....let me take out my dictionary, she thinks that she’s nothing just an arm candy and if you don’t talk about her, she thinks that you are sceptical in the relationship, she is bound to accuse of you of not being sure about her. So my lovely ladies we need a perfect timing to puke about you. We can also give you the freedom to tell us what they want us to talk about with their pals.

Question 5: Why don’t you compliment me for my hair?

Probable Answer: This one actually creep us out. But still the answer is there are many more things to compliment her about, why do we waste our time on complimenting a thing which usually remains the same? New colourful streaks, shinning and bouncing hair, end of split-ends, fringes, seriously? It’s seems eye feasting in TVCs only (Television Commercials) with multiple effects of light, camera and graphics, same goes for your mascara, eyebrows and nail paints. We generally tend to give compliments when you are YOU, not one Diva, so stop expecting compliments on such mundane things. You yourself are much beyond than your makeup box.

  

Conclusion: The questions are inherited; you can’t actually evade but simply tackle them. ;)