Monday, October 29, 2012

Just Chair!



"I feel like crushing your Butt. Allow me to sit on your face, then you'll know how disgraceful and annoying it is", probably this is what your chair is thinking every-time you rub your a** on its bare face. Do you ever realize how much this thing curses you every day? Turn back and look at its innocent face, pleading you to sit somewhere else and asking you to reduce some weight. Just think of this horrible scene, a BIG ugly a** jumps on your face without prior notice BAM Splat! The life of a chair is only to serve to different a**es every other day, provide you comfort and some FUN (if you know what i mean). I think it surely envies your pillow and cries the whole night but also wipes its tears thinking of toilet seat next door. 

I know some of you do have this sympathetic feeling for your beloved chair, but believe you me; the chair we are talking about is one of the most desirable things among human beings throughout the history. Where emperors called it "Gaddhi", our servant aka politicians call it "Kursi" and poor students call it "Seat" and it’s kind of funny to see that everyone is fighting for a mere chair, kings for "Gaddhi" in fierce battles, politicians for "Kursi" in dirty elections and students for a "seat" in a cut throat competitions. What do you think, is all this worth fighting for a chair - seriously? The thing is that a chair is not just a piece of timber made to serve your a**, it comes with an immense power and as they say with great power comes great responsibility. A thing that goes unnoticed everyday everywhere is actually synonymous with power, funny isn’t it! 

 

The size and stuff of your chair is directly proportional to the power you possess. Heavyweights get one tall, Italian leather engulfed multipurpose adjustable chair, puppets get multicolored five legged moving chair and an unpleasant immovable plastic thing goes to the servants. Chair is an integral part of making people elite, be it in your home, work place, parliament, VVIP lounge, Churches, Multiplex even your car’s front seat is always taken by some influential one, True?. A chair has this special skill of turning ordinary into extraordinary and the effect is instant, faster than speed of light; I call it

‘Chair effect’. 

When it comes to power of its own, chair is somewhat similar to a woman. Have you ever seen or heard the ability of a revengeful woman, (Watch I spit on your grave) you'll get to know, the power of chair is worse than this horror. Like a woman, It has the capability of turning a man into beast and a beast into a well behaved man, like a woman it has the capability to become a reason for brother bloodshed, like a woman it has the capability to initiate verbal/non verbal/cold /nuclear wars but also, like a woman it can make a man content and shape him to achieve what he desires for. With the introduction of lunatic design chairs, chairs became similar to a stunning trophy girl, it can now delight your living room and like a female boss it can eat up your whole a** at the same time

(Say bean bags, an obese version of chair) 

 

But as they say not everyone is born with silver spoon, same applies to a chair too. Let me explain you with an example, There’s a chair in White House presidents office waiting for world's most powerful a** and here's your chair crushing beneath your ‘

good-for-nothing’ a**, cursing you each and every passing moment and waiting for another fat a**, big a**, rich a**, bitch a**, ugly a**, tiny a**, flat a**, porn a** and so on to serve next...See that's called destiny ;)

 
You are not powerful, but it's your chair that is. You are nothing but a commoner without your chair, so respect your chair and reduce your weight! Now. What are you waiting for? Requisition letter? Get up you lousy shameless creature and let your chair breathe.

 

I really wish to see “chair” as one of the synonyms of “power” at-least in Microsoft Word ;)

 


a** = ass :P

23 comments:

  1. Kabir Bhatnagar hats off man!!!! you simply defeated yourself with this chairy stuff!!! i sincerely hope ppl start taking their chairs a lil more seriously after reading :) amazing!!!!!

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  2. This is totally 'out of the box'!!! A chair? Seriously?? Wow..its amazing.. (y)

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  3. Tickling Blog (I Bet People going to watch shape of their seat after reading it.)
    Man you will Get Ph.D. for this Thesis On "Just Chair"..I assume It
    "A** Effect On chair"

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  4. behtareen...............

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  5. hahhaaaaaa nw i ve to think twice before sitting on a kursiii

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  6. Superlike!
    Innovation eh!
    Muwha;)
    Smera singh;)

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  7. kabeeeer. meri jaaan. bohot acche.

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  8. Really well written :) Please take such amazing-idea-generating-bike-rides more often! so that you can blog more often? :D
    -PS.

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  9. umdah...!! really thought provoking ;) hahahaha

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  10. Before we go into the details of this post, I take this as an opportunity to congratulate Sourabh for such a subtle topic. The theme and the start is nice but it tends to digress from the chief concern as the piece progresses. I was just wondering couldn't we stick to just one point in 'a' piece, it's just me who thinks that way! The chair's POV would have been given a philosophical touch if the writer could have limited his love and enthusiasm towards 'assy' affair to one or two paragraphs. The writer may think the readers as idiots, and he has all the rights to do so, but we are not as stupid as we pretend sir, thus sentences such as 'Some of you' seem 'not so judiciously used' (Repeating, these are my personal notions). In the end, yes, you are evolving with each write-up and it's the high time when you should start searching for the genre you are most comfortable with. A little help from classics may do wonders. Stay blessed Blogwala.

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  11. What a fantastic piece of comparing things.!
    Amazingly explain

    Silya

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  12. (Say bean bags, an obese version of chair) hahahahahaha I so love this line..
    My next FB status
    Love you Blogwala

    Himakshi (:

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  13. Very nice......so much happens in the world only so you can park your a** in a particular seat. Food for thought. Good work bro.

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    Feel free to surf my site ... consulting

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  15. Awesome it is :D

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  16. Many firms develop mesh back chair designs and offer in different prices. I hope you will post some president chair designs in your next blog.

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  17. Why don't you write anymore?

    ReplyDelete