Sunday, March 9, 2014

Metro Mayhem!

Standing in the middle of the door with horde behind, Intense looks combined with narrowed eyes, I feel like King Leonidas. Standing Fearless, standing still

And then..

‘Spartans, prepare for glory!’ I scream in my head just a few second before I am going to get off on Rajiv Chowk station! :|

As much as I hate travelling in metro, I love looking at people, laugh and then kill them in my head multiple times, precisely with Head Shots!

Metro is all about Mob and Mobile and here’s kind of people you probably met or you’ll going to meet,  and yes don’t forget to keep your cell phones back in your pockets because, “Life is what happens when you are busy playing candy-crush”

 1. Smart Ass: Can’t tell you how much smart their asses actually are, but one thing I can vouch for their pretentious skills. Blank faces. Calm as Cows reading ET, Coelho and yes our EL James, with that ‘Oh-I-am-convent educated-and-better-than-anyone-in-this-bogey’ looks. They flip 10 pages while talking on phone and that too WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING at it! Incredible!

 2. Corporate Cows: Well dressed. Neatly ironed LP shirt paired with fitted trousers or skirts, they smell good, sophistication pouring from their faces. They always fidget with their laptops and yes they make faces, disgusting faces, they’ve got amazing variety of expressions. If you are lucky enough you’ll get to see a woman doing this stuff. Visual delight!

3. नमूने: Models’ as we proudly call it in English, Ironically they behave in the same manner. Certainly the most abundant and entertaining species, clad in super jazzy outfits carried away with a cool-walk throughout the metro from one end to another. Sporting head-gears bigger than their heads, checking out their newly discovered cheek dimple, hard earned jaw line, biceps, comparing height with others, cleavage meter, duck faces and the list goes on. Fun to watch! 

4. Love Birds: What could be more eye feasting than watching two love struck people teasing each other, guy’s over protective stance in a bogey full of skirt chasers, girl’s rare and extra lovable gesture, and telling people that he’s no more in the friend zone.  Aawwwwwww....hooowwwww Keewwwttt.... :| 

5. Hyperly active coll gangs: At one moment they make you feel all nostalgic and the next moment you feel like crushing their faces with bare hands. They are annoying and loud, their idiotic one-liners are directly proportional to how much people are smiling at it. Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate, that’s what they do, trying way too hard. :|

6. Skunks:  They just stink. Some smell like a soggy stray dog. You’ll love to watch a women expression when trap between those skunks and that too early morning. The blend of their sweat mix with oil clad hair combined with unwashed clothes supported by depressing and rude continues announcements will certainly charge your morning up! Better than caffeine :P

7. Sadist: Mightiest of all, slapdash! They love breaking ‘Emergency Button’ hymn, every time they see a virgin Emergency Button. Put their middle finger in the hole above the sliding gate fantasizing their deep dark secrets, Fickle with collected dead bodies of wasps inside the tube light panes. Torn away the black rubber in between sliding gates and guiding map on the side mirrors while digging their nose......they remind me of Cape Fear’s Max Cady

........और ऐसे ही कुछ चूतिये लोगो की वजह से; guys like me are now depriving to see some pretty faces around us in the same bogey. :|

Moral of this piece:  ‘Too much people on this planet, we desperately need a new plague’ 


  1. Yes Yes that's how people are. Lol!

  2. That's so you. Loved reading it. But, why I don't fall under any category? :P You fall under the corporate one ... LOL

  3. You should defently travel in women compartment :P

  4. I can deal with everybody else except for the skunks. Those guys are way too unbearable.

  5. This is what I call humorous cynicism. I think you are pissed off with the nerds who travel in a metro just to show off their false and Amercanised image. Couples publicly involve themselves in the Bollywood styled intimacy and thousands of eyes stare them; conclusively, they feel proud in getting attention and their consciousness pat them on their back for these sexually motivated achievements. You want to say that these college going students and passenger's should refrain themselves from showing their cosmetic attitude. They should at least behave in a decent manner.....coz kabir who is the silent observer amongst them is closely noticing their every minute move and if they will behave in an irritating manner then he is going to screw them (metro passengers) with his blunt words. I am also one of those close observers and I seriously empathise to you. This blog post is indeed a tight slap on the urban Indians.

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  7. frustration pouring!

  8. hhahhahah and even some talk so loudly as they are sitting in their homes ...sometimes your ears starts bleeding by their quirky irritable voice.