Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Delhi's Blue Line, read (Films) Buses.. :P

So,I would like to dedicate this blog of mine to my Non-Delhiites friends and foes, as they don't get the pleasure to ride in our world famous Blue (Film) line buses, but If anyone of you is planning to visit the capital city this winter then add one more thing to your list... a two hour ride in BLB (Blue Line buses), ONLY if:

- you're patient enough to stand/sit continuously for an hour just to cover 2 miles.
-  you're bold enough to hear ear bleeding abuses
- you wear any branded deo....
- you are used to G-talks in your home/ Office/ Gf/ Ex Gf/ Ex Ex Gf etc etc in short ..ladkiyoon ki kachar pachar

Now, if you're ready to start the journey of a lifetime, I'll introduce you to some interesting situations -  How to invent a Gaali, How to make 1 or 2 hour friends, How to spit from the window without touching the glass pane... One can easily absorb some unique and latest trends too.......All You Need Is To Open your Eyes and your MIND...:P

-          First step i.e. to enter into something is the most hardest thing (Dimag ke Ghode na Dauda)…So this self made phrase is 100 percent fit in case of BLB’s. If you’re trying to get into one, you can see a number of stuntmen hanging outside the bus may be from the swarm or may be from the SMELL…:P. Ab Gadhe Ka Baccha Marta Kya Na Karta, somehow Dhakka Mukki ke beech you successfully landed into another world with variety of people, smells, accents, complexions etc etc….

-          If you’re lucky enough you’ll surely get a seat (Faujiyon ki dress vali cover seat jiske niche se Bhusa nikal raha hai Brown color ka). And I’am pretty sure you’ll be so happy because the warmth of the sun in Delhi’s winter season is more pleasurable than an orgasm, Trust me. But after 20 minutes of halla gulla and shor sharaba in the 15 x 8 machine you’ll be amazed that the bus stand still, only the man on the driving seat holding the giant steering wheel with a 502 Pataka Bidi in one hand  and with the second hand on the gear keeps pressing the accelerator harder so that the already frustated people have some respite (vo kehte hai na Tadpa Tadpa Ke marna). Finally when your forehead becomes a lil wet you’ll hear the sound of “Tak-Tak-Tak”……


-          Haaan to Tak Tak Tak Karne vale Hero hera Laal hai, the protagonist of one of the most costliest vehicles on Delhi road’s, Apne CONDUCTOR. Generally Tall, Dark and repulsive with lots of lottery like things (Tickets) in his one hand and “Chillars” (Coins) in the other. His multi-pocket white Cargos have something Uber KEWL written over the left bum, tightly tied at least 6 inches above his naval with an ornate buckled belt. (Meine Napa nahi hai jus random guess) with a nice Janpath’s Abercrombie & Fitch material tightly tuck into it. “Haan Bhaai Paache Tikaaaat Bolio…”. (Haryanvi accent). Do take out 10 bucks or whatever the journey costs and give it to him. He will then fold your 10 rupee karara note into rectangular shape( Like the way Log note ko shadiyon mein Udate hai Lamba karke) and put it into the huge bundle of notes……Tak-Tak-Tak ki to baat bhul hi gaye, this sound made by Conductor Bhaishab with a 5 rupee coin on the glass next to his seat, is the indication of conductor to driver to run the bus. The rate of tak tak is directly proportional to the speed of the bus….Remember..:p

-          As your journey goes on you’ll experience many accents, a variety of jeans, a cache of latest chinese mobiles, some 80’s Kishore Kumar music running somewhere all mixed up with the sound of the engine and the shattering sound of windows and in between you’ll surely hear the word ISTAAAAFFF…….(A slang, generallyused by the self proclaimed BADMAASH and college students to make a free ride). And as the proverb says never miss an opportunity to learn something new, you’ll learn some coolest galiyaan ever for e.g. ***** ki ***nd mein **** ka **, ****** lele ****** ke , Muh Mein **** Mera **** …….So I mean you can learn variety of things…Now moving on to most interesting stuff..

-          When it comes to girls, Delhiites never miss a chance and a place like a crowded bus in a traffic is like icing on the cake. Here the probability of touching or poking a girl by any random guy is directly proportional to the brakes made by the driver. and when I say a guy it means all the guys it doesn’t matter how smart, cute or educated he looks - he never misses an opportunity. Unfortunately we delhiites believe the famous quote “Opportunity knocks once in a lifetime”. Some give the excuse of  heavy bags, some say Madam Picche se Dhakka aa raha hai Kya karu.., Some happily touch their legs with the girl’s, some use the defending instinct and Mauka lagte hi Hath se Hath touch, Pocket se Mobile Nikalte hue Ladki ki back touch, Haath mein Ghadi pehnkar bhi Cell Phone mein light jalakar time dekho..=))

-          When you’re going to reach your stop, stand next to the driver and make eyecontact and say Bhaiyaa Rok ke Chalna….You say Rok ke Chalna, but he’ll never stop the bus untill or unless you’re a super hot chick or a Machoman…
 Interesting facts about Blue Line Buses:
1.      The surname of the owner of almost every BLB is Tyagi or Singh
2.      When a conductor tears your ticket in the middle, it means you owe him some rupees.
3.      BLB’s are also known as the Killer blue line, claiming over 100 lives per year
4.      In the month of May to July end, the average temperature in the cockpit is around 48 degree
5.      Despite of the facility of world class Delhi Metro, BLB is still the main source of commuting in the city
6.      And now in some days BLB’s will be a part of history as the Delhi Govt has decided to eradicate all of them..
Adios.!

8 comments:

  1. :-D
    I SOOOOO wanted to experience the awesomeness of BLB's until i read the 3rd last paragraph :P.
    Very well written :) Incredibly detailed. :)
    Keep blogging. Will watch this space for some more brilliant stuff :).
    Take care :)
    cheaaars! :P

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  2. thanks god i dnt have to travel in these BLB..
    waise kaby nicely written..ur wit aur sarcasm finds a proper place..well put words..nice...

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  4. Heheheh ... nicely depicted.... hopefully readers hv experienced d virtual journey of d so called BLB. how can one forget d dispersed nutshells (mungfali ke chilke) all across d floor and few stucked in between d glass pane channels....few bst evr quotations written jst abve the seat of conductor ...a pic of hot actress wth dark lipstick... u'll also hear d 80's songs .. which anyone hardly listened in his life time ..( Old Govinda and Mithun type) ... Wo driver seat ke peeche khade hoker khud bus drive kerne jaisa feel kerna .. few common words : Mahilaye ( mostly jismain se "Ma" erased hota hai), Kripya apni seat ke neeche dekhe .. shor machaye... (nt sure if smebdy will notice smethin under his seat.. to kaise shor machayega...as waise he sab log shor macha rahe hote hai)... Tamiz se bolo.. izzat muft milegi, . Kripya stand aaane se pehle driver ko suchit kare... bina ticket yatra kerna dandniya apradh hai ...etc etc ... thr r so many memories ... to share .. :-)

    SANDEEP BHATNAGAR

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  5. Kabir, i must say you have made an excellent attempt to pull the cocky nuts of BLB's. The line which says about their abusive lingo, is simply a great innovation greatly apprised by you. And that 'nymphomaniac' instinct of men gets complete boost in BLB only is simply mind boggling. I must say buddy you have rightly quoted every minute activity with such an intelligence that it gave me a stomach ache with the banters and jabbers,and seamless laughter. Nice blog, a good mix of humor-wit-imposition. I recommend every one must read.... keep it up.....lots of kudos.......

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  6. v true experience u hv shared Kabir... travlling in BLB ws like a nightmare... I wud say.. chao to BLB forever... :) .. n for u.. awesm work done dude...

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  7. EPIC dude =]]
    Awesome Shit.
    HAHAHA.
    I have never traveled in a blue line. But this gives me more reasons NOT TO!! ;) =D HAHA.
    <3

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  8. Awesome men,,, Its Like we wer travelling in the BLB while reading the blog.. just covered the whole story of BLB in a short blog.. loved ur way of writing.. waiting for such type of masala blog again from ur side.. :P

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